Dads and Husbands ( Part 1)

Each time I pick a pen to write on this series, I feel so incompetent. I feel like, maybe I should hold on a few more years before I can write about this. But then, deep within, I know I should write on this, for He has made us able ministers of the new testament (2 Corin 3:6).

I have read your stories via the questionnaire and I think I should share a bit of mine. Twice my entire life, my dad has said to me, “I am disappointed in you”. I remember the second time he made such declaration. I was in primary four. I cried that evening. The beating I got from my parents that evening did not hurt as much as the words my Father said to me and for the first time that I remember, I had a serious conversation with God that night. With tears in my eyes, I told the Lord that I did not want to be the child that I was, and that I didn’t want my father to be disappointed in me again. I asked him to help me be a better child and I meant it. I prayed that prayer that day because I loved my dad and didn’t want to hurt him.

Reading through our stories, not all of us share my experience in terms of having a relationship with our biological fathers. Some people did not get to meet or know who their biological father was; some never had a fantastic relationship with their dads; some have a strained relationship with their dads, and for some, their fathers have hurt them deeply. The list goes on.

However, whatever position you are in all these scenarios, we cannot take away the fact that man is also a social being, and so man would have and need to interact with people through different relationships. Some of these people are deeply flawed and through their actions, inactions and ill actions, they hurt people who come in contact with them. Consequently, you cannot take responsibility for people’s actions. You cannot control other people. You cannot control what they say, what they think or how they should treat you. People can be who they want to be but you have the power to decide who you want to be. When you allow a person’s words, actions or inactions make the choice of identity for you, you are giving away your power.

Concerning the prayer I prayed as a child in primary four(4), as I grew older, I asked myself if I really wanted God to answer that prayer. My answer was a big fat No. As much as I love my Dad, I still see some of his flaws, his shortcomings, how he has changed his mind on some issues, and I do not want to weave my life around something that fickle. I do not want to live for “not disappointing him”. He is a man who is also a work in progress and I choose not to give him the power to decide my identity.

“So I kneel humbly in awe before the Father of our Lord Jesus, the Messiah, the perfect Father of every father and child in heaven and on the earth”. Ephesians 3:14-15 TPT

To be continued…